Anger Management

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverb 15:1

The trickiest of all human emotions, anger can be normal and healthy. Sometimes! It depends on its use. It can help us respond in threatening situations, fuel our motivation for achievement or dealing with injustice, or it can bankrupt us in a moment, leaving us empty and devastated.

So how do we manage such a tricky emotion? How do we use it for good and avoid the pitfalls?

In our realm as leaders, our environment demands an atmosphere of trust and collaboration. Anger management is crucial to longevity, productivity as well as for general health and happiness. It is highly appropriate that we learn to manage it well. Consider the following: A positive anger response helps us to react quickly and decisively to solve problems, achieve goals, and intensely focus on objectives. A negative anger response can ruin our career, damage relationships, harm our reputation and alienate us from our peers. During a negative anger response we must learn to recognize the signs that indicate a loss of control. Diffusing negative anger is never easy, but there are some concrete steps that help make it possible.

Duke University’s Redford Williams, MD, along with his wife Virginia, authored the best-selling book Anger Kills. They recommend creating a “Hostility Log” as we begin to responsibly handle our anger. The idea is that when we understand what triggers us and causes us to get angry, we are more capable of developing strategies to avoid the triggers.

Let's look at some other positive steps.

Acknowledge That You Have a Problem - If you do have a problem, those around you see it clearly. Remember, that you will never be able to fix that which you refuse to see. A leader positively acknowledges his or her deficiencies so that they may be dealt with.

Use Your Support Network - Notice I said to use your support network and not find one. You have one already, those who love you are your best possible support. Furthermore, there are many professional avenues you can take, including your pastor or mentor. All of these services are eager to help, especially your family.

Interrupt the Anger Cycle – Pause, think, breath (deeply), tell yourself you can handle this situation, and stop the negative thoughts… Relax! This may seem ridiculous but it is not. Verbalizing your ability to handle the situation transfers what may otherwise be only a thought to a tangible, actionable affirmation.

Be Objective – Use empathy to put yourself in the shoes of the other party. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is perfect, including you. Also remember that those mistakes serve to teach us how to be better people.

Find Humor in the Situation – Laugh at yourself. Think about how ridiculously you were about to act. Be proud of your ability to avoid looking foolish. Not everything in life should be taken seriously. Think about that YouTube video, the guy in the office who goes ballistic and trashes the place. It made you laugh, but at the same time you thought to yourself; “How pathetic!”

Build Trust – When we trust another we do not assume they have malicious intent in their actions toward us. By being trustworthy we release others to trust us in like manner. Angry people tend to be cynical so work on trust. If you think they are all out to get you, you will not be equipped to deal with integrity toward them.

Listen – In angry confrontations, or when someone has annoyed us, we tend to speak and not listen. We prepare our verbal comeback to their offensive statement. This often leads to a failure to actually hear what is being said, and to jump to destructive conclusions. Then, we lash out based on our faulty conclusions and escalate the situation. A wise individual listens!

Be Assertive – Assertiveness is not aggression. Assertiveness is preemptive. An assertive person will clearly define their expectations and boundaries. This empowers others to know where they may or may not go with you in their conversation or actions. The defining of personal boundaries does wonders in the realm of interpersonal success.

Forgive – Forgiveness is an amazing way to release hostility. One who forgives others shortcomings is one who brings peace, not only to others, but also to self.

Even if your anger is not to the point of being a problem, these steps are vital practices in relieving stress and avoiding the path that leads to anger issues. Know them, understand them, and if you do not need them, perhaps you can help another who does.

Coffee Lids

Adjacent to American Airlines terminal 44 at Los Angeles International Airport is a Burger King. Sequestered in the corner of that restaurant is a small stainless steel shelf with an even less obvious label affixed upon it. It reads Coffee Lids. I am writing this - seated no more than 100 feet from that very label - and I am thinking about strategic process.

If you are reading this you are of the small percentage of people who care, people who are driven to refine the less than efficient processes in their lives. You are a leader. Most however are not. Most do as they are told and in fact, are somewhat content to exist and live there. You are not. You want to make a difference. You understand that things can be improved. You abide by principles of excellence and streamlining of process.

Let me tell you about Bob. The first fact you need to know about Bob is that Bob is not his real name. I am watching Bob right now. Early 50's, probably a great father, a hard worker and dedicated to the task that provides for his family. Bob works right there, next to terminal 44 at the Burger King. I know he is a hard working man because I am observing him as I write. Besides, it's just after five in the morning and only Bob knows what time he had to get up this morning to be here on time. Though I only just rubbed shoulders with him ten minutes ago, I like Bob... Now back to you.

You understand that the tasks of the day can be draining. You engage in the tactical events of the day without complaint because your eyes are on the process and you are always looking for strategic opportunities to better the system. You realized that the tactical responses yesterday have a common thread with ones that you performed last week and that those correspond to what you will be doing this afternoon. Deep in your mind you are already thinking about the commonalities of the tasks and how they can be combined into a streamlined effort to produce a better, simplified, result. You see, that's what you do! You streamline process by finding simple solutions to common problems. You identify a bottleneck or repetitive tasks and you streamline them by revising the process. And it works.

So, let me tell you how I rubbed shoulders with Bob. To properly convey this, I need to give you the layout of our infamous Burger King, it's drink station and the little tiny label marked Coffee Lids. You see, there are actually two drink stations about 10 feet apart there at terminal 44. Both stations serve customers with a soda machine and a coffee dispenser. Both have both! However, the soda cup lids are on the stainless steel shelf over the leftmost drink station, and the coffee lids are over the right. So, regardless of which station you get coffee at, you have to force your way in to a crowded corner of the restaurant to get your lid. The process is broken. While I am trying to get to my lids, I am swimming upstream against the flow of people who just filled their sodas and are coming my way to get their soda lids. I ask myself, how many years has this bottleneck been here and why can I see it so quickly and no one in all these years, not even management, has noticed. Then I realize, it's the label: "Coffee Lids." This mayhem has been created by a misaligned attempt at organization. However, I still have not met Bob.

So here you sit. Surrounded by process. Have you asked yourself what bottlenecks you live in? Just look for the confusion. You'll see it. Then look deeper, into the bottleneck. If you cannot see it, ask someone in your organization. Ask them about those things that, to them, do not make sense. Bring in an outside observer to see what you don't see. Unlike Bob and his managers, there are those who are gifted to see logistical problems and less than ideal systems. Strive to be such a person. Identify and remove the misaligned attempts at organization. Remove the labels.

Ok, so I just met Bob. I pushed and shoved my way to the coffee lids. I grabbed one of the lids and placed it on my cup, but before leaving, I grabbed a handful and carried them to the stainless steel shelf above the leftmost drink station, the one without the label. For one (and only one) millisecond the dysfunctional process of cup lid gathering was solved. The masses, as if they were a school of fish, naturally flowed under my power in directions that for the first time in perhaps years made sense. The sky opened, rose petals fell at my feet and a choir of angels sang the hallelujah chorus (though I was the only one who could hear it). I smiled. I had changed my world. I was responsible for happier people, less missed flights, pleasant flight attendants and passengers. In that moment, I was the center of my universe! Then, over my bumped shoulder (this is where Bob and I are acquainted), I see Bob pick up my stack of coffee lids and return them to the place of origin. Back to where they were supposed to be. Back above the label! Good ol' Bob was doing what he knew to do, and in his hard working diligence destroyed the process. Back to square one.

The point? Look past the label! See beyond the way things are "supposed" to be...

Great!!! I got so inspired by this whole thing my coffee is now cold. Here I go, back into the mayhem... Back to meet Bob.

Communication is Key

Communication is Key. Communication is Key. Communication is Key. Communication is Key. Communication is Key. Communication is Key.

Before you jump to any conclusions, let me say that I did not stutter, nor was my message repeated for emphasis. I was not playing the message on vinyl which resulted in a Milli Vanilli moment. And no, I do not have a problem with my memory. In fact, while it may appear that I am being repetitive, I fear that I may not have adequately conveyed my message. In reality I have only said it once! Perhaps less.

Once by Phone.

Once by Email.

Once by Letter.

Once by Txt Msg.

Once by Facebook.

Once by Twitter.

And yes, it was inadequate. I just realized that I forgot my “Once by Mouth.” Oh the difficulties with “better” communication.

While we are at it, what else can we add: MySpace (so over it), LinkedIn, Foursquare, Forum Post, Blog. VBlog, Skype, Oovoo, Podcast, Vodcasts, YouTube, Web Site, Google Voice, Yahoo Groups, and my personal favorite… Smoke Signal!

Granted, I left out 16,000 other methods but this piece needs to be under five hundred words.

What are we to do?

One thing we know for sure. As organizational leaders, we cannot force those we lead to come to our well, we must reach out and drink from theirs. I find it ironic that reaching out to them, and understanding their preferred communication method, starts with the one method we left out: Once by Mouth. We have adopted all the latest methods for communication and yet our communication is worst than it has ever been. Just because you adopt a method does not mean your communication will improve. Start with the conversation. Find out how those you lead are communicating and work those methods into your communication strategy. It’s all about information. It always is.

You want the One Grand Solution? Sorry, this piece will be a let down because there is no One Grand Solution. Besides, great leaders never adopt a solution, they design one that meets their current reality. Let me give you one simple word to help you begin designing yours; BEEP!

Think about the beep. The beep is what rules the day in modern society. The beep is what stops the train of thought, interrupts the meeting, starts people down another road, and wakes people from their dreams. (Oh that’s good! The beep wakes people from their dreams… WOW! I’m need to write another piece on the BEEP and how it’s killing creative strategic thought…) I regress…

You need to be the beep! The beep is never ignored!

The Old Man and the Sea

You may or may not know this, but I am a borderline workaholic (some may say there is no border to be seen). I am rarely to bed before midnight and I am always up early to start the day. After a full day of work, I spend the evening with my family, and then once everyone has gone to bed it is back to work. The only thing I let interrupt this evening work time is study or a good book. I read many books, and from time to time I will share something about them with you. I love the classics.

This week’s book was Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea. It is a tale of… you guessed it… an old man… and the sea. Really, it is a book about perseverance and struggle. You see, the old man, though his history was one of fishing fame, was ridiculed in his Cuban town because he had not caught in 84 days. He was considered unlucky. He didn’t care, catching fish was all he knew and he used to be the best at it.

How long has it been since you caught a fish?

He was determined, and believed that he would catch the biggest fish ever. HE DID. The fish he catches, he catches with great struggle and pain. In fact the struggle nearly kills him. It drags him to sea for several days of sleepless battle, taking his boat into uncharted waters. He watches as the island of Cuba disappears from view and he fears he shall never return. But, it is acceptable that he should die as long as he catches the fish. He respected the fish, and in that respect desired to kill it.

“The fish is my friend too,” he said aloud. “I have never seen or heard of such a fish. But I must kill him.” Then he was sorry for the great fish that (like him) had nothing to eat and his determination to kill him never relaxed in his sorrow for him. “How many people will he feed, he thought”

If you do not see what I see in this paragraph, allow me to comment. If we are to be fishers of men then we must struggle to do so. We may go 84 days without leading another to Christ (I hope not). But, we must keep looking for the big fish. We can catch numerous small ones, and that is good. However, the fish that comes with struggle, although we may be dragged beyond what is familiar and comfortable, when landed has the potential to feed many. We should even be willing to lay down our lives for it. It may in fact mean that we need to ruin their life as well. What I mean is that their life will have to change.

"Then he was sorry for the great fish that had nothing to eat and his determination to kill him never relaxed in his sorrow for him."

We all know people, that if we bring them to Jesus, their lives will necessarily change. Certain comforts must go. We can feel sorry for them, but knowing that a life with Jesus is the priority, we determine to allow Jesus to redirect their lives. We kill their “comfortable life” so that they and others will live. It is worth it! There really is no choice in it!

Leadership Soapbox

Where are the standouts, the ones whose countenance drips with the overflowing presence of the living God? Our leaders have failed us. They have told us that an acceptance of Christ—and no more—is sufficient. They have lied. Where are the leaders, the ones who have not compromised their faith to build an organization? The fact is, the church lives in a state of compromise. Whether it be the fear of man, apathy, or a failure to internally reconcile a depraved life with a spirit that understands the requirements of the Holy, our lives fail to appeal to those who have no hope. We have placed more than one foot in the world. In his book The Christian Ministry with an Inquiry Into the Causes of its Inefficiency, Rev. Charles Bridges illustrates this very point.

It is but too plain, that we have lost that distinction of “Servant of Christ,” which it would have been our honor to have preserved; that our Christian prudence has degenerated into worldly cowardice; and that our conversation with the world has been regulated by the fear of man, fleshly indulgence, and practical unbelief of the most solemn warnings of the gospel.

And again.

We should endeavor to make religion agreeable; but not to make ourselves agreeable by leading our company to forget religion. We should ‘every one of us, please his neighbor for his good;’ but not so ‘please men,’ as to fail in the character of ‘Servants of Christ.'

Leaders who find themselves in a situation where change is needed are left powerless by many churches to initiate the change. The church has become too comfortable in their “method” of worship and if one seeks to change it, they will die upon the sacred alter of complacency. At this point, the weaker leader will simply give up, another disillusioned leader, beaten into submission by fear. Things really must change. It starts with education.

Today, the average church member—pardon the generalization—is either too involved (locked into their own comfortable method) or too removed from the process of healthy church life. Those that are too involved rule the roost, viewing a pastor as an employee and not a called man of God. Those on the other end of the spectrum are simply anonymous Christians, punching in and punching out, doing their “hours” that qualify them at the entrance gate to an eternal “E-Ticket” ride. Meanwhile, the middle—the ones who understand that an abiding relationship with Father and the evangelistic sharing of His grace is paramount—is shrinking. Personal revival and corporate church repentance and growth are rare today. We have grown far too selfish. If you mention to the first group that the method to reach others must change, the leader will face formidable obstacles and may even lose his “job.” To the later, if you start changing things around, they will simply move on, not understanding what it means to be called to a body of believers. What is the answer?

The answer lies in a deeply relational, educating of the masses to understand the heart of God. Just as we see God’s method changing over time, so must we change. Even the disciples and the writers of the gospel changed their methodology for their given audience. Think of how Matthew’s appeal to the Jews takes a very different form that Luke’s appeal to the Gentiles. As leaders, we must specifically tailor everything we do for our personal context. If I had one wish for young leaders, it would be that they throw away every “church growth” book and discover what—precisely—Father wants them to do. That leader must understand that he was hand chosen for the work God has prepared for him to do, and only he can do it. He has an obligation to seek the will of God until he finds it. To jump early, or to lead according to the dictates or expectations of man is sinful. That ministry will not last. Nor will such a ministry result in the level of praise to the Son that Father desires for it to give. We must be very calculated and careful in our attempts to lead the church. The leading is at Father’s direction and not by the dictates of the masses.

Each of us will find ourselves in this piece, however, we must look carefully at who we think that we are. The pastor who reads this and insists; “Yeah, those church members are strangling me in every attempt to lead the church” must first ask himself if has truly sought the Lord’s direction in where he is leading. That the direction in which he seeks to lead his congregation has been intimately, directionally spelled out by Father. Likewise, the congregant who says; “My pastor is changing everything. It’s arbitrary and destructive and he needs to go” must tread lightly as he plays with the call of a man of God. Many a struggle with Godly leaders is not a human struggle at all, but a revolt against the very will of God at the calling of that man to lead. Tread lightly. The beginning of an answer to all of these struggles is the prayerful, patient seeking of Father’s specific will and direction for the cultural context in which he has placed all parties. Until that primary foundation is laid, nothing fruitful can be constructed. The leader in today’s church does not have an easy road ahead. It is one of great struggle, but also of great reward.

John Maxwell states the following in his book, Developing the Leader within You.

Leaders can never take their people farther than they have traveled. Like leader, like people … God’s gift to the leader is his potential. His gift back to God is what he does with that potential.

Make New Mistakes

Dr. Hermann Hauser, in a lecture at the Cambridge Center for Entrepreneurial Studies, spoke of the four big mistakes faced by the entrepreneur of today.

Time

“Everybody underestimates the time that a project takes. I was first introduced to the Einsteinian problem of time dilation early on in my physics career. The people in the workshop gave me a good rule of thumb, they said; ‘If you think something takes x amount of time, say half a year or so, multiply it by Pi.’ It usually takes just over three times as long as you think.”

Money

“Closely correlated with the time aspect is that of money. It always takes more money than expected.”

Market Size

“Over estimation of the market size is an enormous problem. Especially when it comes to over-enthusiastic young people who can see how wonderfully attractive this new product is... but nobody else does. This market size issue is a key problem...”

People Issues

“It is surprising how easily people fall out with each other, so watch out for that as well. It is a common mistake.”

“My conclusion is this, mistakes are going to happen all the time. Learn from the old ones and try not to repeat them. Try to make new mistakes. If you are not making new ones you are not trying too hard. Also, mistakes come in all guises. There is a very large number of different mistakes, although some are more common than others. Experience does actually help, so listening to some of us does pay off. You should at least listen. You don’t necessarily need to implement what we suggest, but listen, because we’ve come across most mistakes in our careers. Last but not least, learn the basics. People often ask me, ‘Aren’t entrepreneurs born, you can’t train them so you shouldn’t even try.’ Well, I always say, perhaps you cannot make a tone deaf person a concert pianist, but giving them a piano sure helps.”

Fail Fast

I cannot remember the location, but I remember the story like it was yesterday. A man and his son facing that moment where the son’s right of passage meant an extreme hiking trip with his father. Big hopes and excitement confronted them both. At one point, during the hike, the son stumbled from the path and began to stumble down an incline littered with shale. Trying to right himself, the boy began to run faster and faster down hill until he was out of control. His father, knowing that at the bottom of that shale was a drop-off of over one hundred feet, began to give instruction. The boy could not see it nor was he aware of the danger. The father began to scream at the top of his lungs, “Fall Down!” He even extended his arms and legs to instruct the boy in a futile attempt to force the child’s action. “Fall Down! Spread your legs out and fall! NOW! Do it!” Doubtless, all the boy was thinking about is how much pain it meant to fall, and he continued to try to gain his balance. To the father’s horror, the son plummeted to his death.

I remember telling my children that story to reinforce a truth that I wanted them to learn. That is, that they must trust my word and do as I say immediately. There will be times when I know better, even if it hurts.

What a fabulous (although unfortunate) lesson for us as leaders. Failure is never what we intend. However, if we are going to fail, we really need to fail fast. Prolonging your fall can lead to death. By failing fast, you may be battered and bruised when it is all said and done, but at least you are alive to rebuild.

Reality Check

Some of you are failing! Is it you? If it is, you have choices. If you are in business, call your superior and be honest. If you are a pastor, call your DoM or other leader who you see as a value to you. If you are a DoM, call the Associational Strategies Team at NAMB and ask for a coach. If you can, attend a learning lab, conference, or find a mentor. There are many of us who care. We want to help.

Final Note

Every organizational leader desires to lead transformational change. If that’s you, you will fail in some of your many endeavors. Fail fast. Seek the Father’s guidance, pick yourself up, and pour your energies into the idea that seems to be gaining ground. Remember to always measure and assess your failures. If you can, failing fast will make you stronger.

Fluent Leadership

Leadership is a language. It is entirely about communication.To be fluent in a language is to be able to communicate effectively as a natural process and convey to others the intent of your words enabling the hearer to create action. The bad news is that many who are leaders have not yet acquired the fluency required to precisely convey their desires. This frustrates the direct report and hinders forward progression in the organization. The good news is that fluency can be obtained through practice and saturation.

Think about how a child learns. She surrounds herself with those who know more than she does and mimics their actions. When she sees how one does a specific task, she tries to mimic the action that accomplished it. Though her arms may not have the dexterity or agility of the one she watches, she tries none the less. When the parent speaks, though she does not completely understand what is being said, she tries to make the same noises as the parent. Eventually she will acquire both the physical dexterity and the verbal articulation that she needs to become an articulate woman of action. This takes both time and countless hours of practice.

It is the same with the leader.

If you are new to leadership, you would do well to surround yourself with those who have been in leadership for some time. The more effective the "parent" the better. Begin to mimic the actions that you see in them and apply those actions to your life and organization. Begin to listen to their speech, their vocabulary, and mimic it. It may seem unusual at first, but that is how we learn. Before you know it, you will begin to see that you have become fluent in the language and proactivity of leadership. You will realize that over time you have become a bit of what you have mimicked. Isn't that how it is with the Christian life? We mimic Christ as we become Christlike. Should it not be the same with leadership?

Perhaps you have been a leader for some time. If so, I have a question for you. Who is mimicking you? Are you mentoring another? Are you equipping the next generation of leader? Regardless of where you are at in your personal leadership journey, remember to surround yourself with godly examples of what you would like to become. Before you know it, what you saw in another someone else will see in you.

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, You!?

Selecting Gift Appropriate Leaders

Imagine: You are home with your children. Your security is instantly shattered as you awaken to the breaking of a downstairs window. Instantly you mind screams “intruder.” You heart pounds, your mind races, as you think about your children two rooms away. You dial 911 as you listen to footsteps ascending the stairs. You have never felt such fear. You run to your children’s room, grab them, and hide in the closet. Moments later the rescue workers arrive. They are dressed in fireproof suits, air tanks strapped to their backs, hoses in hand. Although they are able to scare the attacker away, they were ill equipped to take him into custody. They had the wrong set of tools, the wrong training. Sure, they were able to knock the attacker down with the water from their hose, but it ruined your house and the attacker got away. You suppose that was a sufficient outcome… You grow concerned, but begin to laugh as you thank the firefighters for rescuing you and notice that your neighbor’s house is on fire and it’s the police department, guns drawn, that is desperately trying to extinguish the flames.

Choosing Leaders Wisely...

The above story illustrates the importance of our spiritual gifts and why we should find out what they are, use them, and enjoy them. Of equal importance, as leaders, we must be aware of the gifts and abilities of our direct reports. Being aware, and practicing our gifts bring an exciting level of contentment to our life. Indeed, it is the use of our gifts that allow God to work through us in powerful and extraordinary ways. The scriptural mandate to be a light in the darkness is not given to use devoid of the means to accomplish it. Father equips each and every believer with the necessary gifts to accomplish the tasks He has placed before them in life. The responsibility then is upon each Christian to identify, hone, practice, and experience the fullness of that gifting. As a leader of your organization, you will sometimes see the gifts that others possess long before they do. Capitalize on that insight.

It is crippling to many organizations that so few of their members have made an effort to identify their spiritual gifts. It is, perhaps, one of the main reasons why the church has lost its impact on society to the degree it has. It is also why so many of our organizations have reached a plateau or are in decline. Organizations grow in dysfunction because members are (with an honorable heart) volunteering to serve the organization in capacities that are not specific to their gifting. Members are responding to presented needs in the organization with the heart to serve, but they should seek to be preemptive not reactive.

In such a scenario, the need is filled by a warm body, not by a specifically gifted person. This usually exasperates the volunteer and the task is completed to a less-than-ideal degree. Mediocrity is killing us! We need to step back a moment. Step back and evaluate why the need was there in the first place. If we have the confidence that Father will supply our every need, we must ask: Why did the need have to be presented? What caused the deficiency?

I understand that what I am about to say will evoke criticism, and I agree that this “ideal” may never be fully realized, but at the same time we need to set our expectations for ourselves as high as possible that we may achieve our utmost for the organization. Here's what I believe.

"The need was brought to the congregation because someone who had the gifting to meet that need had not yet realized their spiritual gifts or, worse still, refused to fulfill their God-given assignment in the organization."

Consequently, another member of the congregation (someone less qualified) stepped up to fill the deficiency. It’s that simple. The church needs to return to effectiveness and clarity of purpose and such an endeavor begins with the individual pursuit and use of ones spiritual gifting.

If you lead your organization, administer a spiritual gifts test to all of your direct reports immediately. Then, assign, re-assign, or remove responsibilities accordingly. That grouch you have in charge of hospitality... really needs to go!

Being Great

There are those times in life when you encounter greatness. It takes your breath away. It’s one of those things when everything comes together in perfect harmony and you find yourself in the midst of something that just feels right... and you are inspired.

I had such an experience when I was called to do a business seminar for the leaders in an organization that hires me from time to time. I had worked as a freelance marketing adviser for this company in the late ’80’s but it had been years since I had been there to consult. I remember telling the then-owner (after our first meeting) that I would not advise on their ad campaign. He was shocked, and then I clarified.

It was early in my career and I had left an art director position for a company in Los Angeles to strike out on my own. I knew what it meant to represent the company which I had worked for and was greatly successful in driving campaigns to increase market share and product awareness, however, I knew little of this new company.

Back to the story. He was shocked. This Ad Guy who he had paid travel expenses to come and advise said that he would not. I could see his discomfort. Then I clarified. I would not advise because I knew little about their product. So he suggested that I spend the afternoon in the conference room with his in-house marketing staff and they could show me product, advise me on how it worked, and show me the previous ad campaigns they had run.

I shocked them again. During that meeting I refused to see any earlier campaigns (standard practice for me) because I did not want to be influenced by their previous attempts. Nor did I want to see the trade magazines they placed before me because the reason they were hiring me is that they wanted an outside evaluation of their product. Frustrated, the marketing team asked me; “So, what do you want?” My reply was simple.

“I want to build it!”

I scheduled an appointment (the next Monday morning) to work on the factory floor and actually build the product on the assembly line. I needed to know the nuts and bolts. Shock again!

Hear me. While I worked on that line, I understood the product deeper than most of the executives that had asked me to come. In fact, when it came time to advise on the ad campaign, I also advised on several product enhancements and a very small but beneficial change to the assembly line work flow that would save a small, but not insignificant amount of money every year. But I had to get under the hood to see those potential improvements. Their shock gave way to excitement.

Now I started this piece talking about greatness. I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about that company.

Returning years later to hold a seminar for their leaders, I walked into a completely different environment. The greasy carpet, the smell of a factory, the noise and the unprofessional receptionist had all been replaced. Instead I encountered what amounted to a professionally decorated sanctuary of a waiting room, and an attentive and extremely professional host. Furthermore, the noise and smell of the factory had given way to a gentle classical masterpiece playing during my very short wait. In fact, as I walked in I was surprised to see an LCD screen that welcomed me (and a short list of other scheduled appointments) by name. Something had changed. Someone had gone under the hood. Someone had entered the business with the eyes of a first-timer, and it was the new owner.

Before any employee knew who he was, he scheduled an appointment to meet with the staff, posing as a prospective new client. What he saw and experienced shook the company to its foundation, but also to greatness. He trained, fired and hired employees to mold the organization to his vision of excellence. He modeled it from the top and it showed. From the office of the CEO to the receptionist who offered me a bottle of water during my short wait, everything was a harmony. The corporate culture had changed. It had been defined. Now, they had asked me to come back to train his lead staff. He had heard of my day “on the line” and years later told his key people to get me back.

Today, he leads a company of excellence... And yes, he still calls me to advise from time to time.

Modeling Personal Accountability

As a leader, you have an obligation to model personal responsibility. Personally, I like the old phrase:

Your talk talks and your walk talks, but your walk talks better than your talk talks.

The attitudes we express, the actions and behaviors that we model, all illustrate to our direct reports the type of behavior that we believe in and expect for the organization. The leader that personally commits to transparency in their leadership style will instill confidence and excellence in their team.

One of the hardest things you can do is a leader is to self evaluate. Giving those whom you lead the opportunity to evaluate both the organization and you as their leader. Placing yourself in this situation is both humbling and trying. I have found that a yearly evaluation serves the organization, and me as a leader, in that I learned things about myself, seen from someone else's perspective, that if addressed make me a better leader.

As I prepare the evaluation, there is one ground rule that I put in place, and it has to do with respect. This ground rule serves to create an environment where communication can happen at the highest level, avoiding hostility and/or hurt feelings. The reality is that there are things that others see in you as their leader that you are unaware that they see. In many cases, you may not even know they have that perception of you. You need to know!

Those things can hinder your effectiveness, or even disqualify you as their leader. It is your job as a growing leader to explore, unearth, and improve upon those things. The problem is, unless you solicit feedback that enables you to see those things for yourself, you may never know that they exist.

Here is my ground rule

I tell everyone that their evaluation of me, or any individual in the organization will be personally reflected upon, that I will take what they have to say to heart. I promise them that I will act on any constructive information that they give. For that reason, I ask that all responses be respectful, and seeking the best good of the individual. No flaming allowed.

This understanding has led to a lifestyle and organizational culture that allows my direct reports to feel comfortable telling me what I need to know. If it is personal, and they are not comfortable telling me directly during the course of the year, they wait until the yearly evaluation. That is fine with me. I have shown that no comment, respectfully given, is ignored and that I move on every constructive recommendation. In fact, I go public with the evaluation.

It was hard for me to publish one year’s evaluation when I had the following comment: “The DoM needs to spend more time on the team building he talks about, and less time personally taking on as much as he does.” OUCH! However, by making these comments public, it serves the organization in multiple ways:

1) It shows that I take comments seriously.

2) It puts accountability to the forefront (they will wait to see if I start building teams).

3) It inspires them as they see the teams being built.

4) It gives me an item of improvement to report upon.

5) It makes me a better leader.

By the way, when you are open and transparent, and your people know that you will take evaluations from them anonymously, and that you will act upon them, they feel that they have a voice.

Rest assured, if you as a leader do not give your directs a voice, they will find their voice elsewhere. Usually it will be laterally, and then the problems really start…

You're Better Than That!

Click the link at the bottom of this note to watch a GREAT clip!We live in a society that blames everything on everyone. Even the stereotypical psychologist, while his patient begins to recline on the couch, asks; “Tell me about your mother?” As if she was the reason he just murdered eleven children in the elementary school.

This culture is defined by the lack of taking responsibility for our actions, and the feeling of entitlement. “We are entitled to success.”

Not so! If you are a leader, you are accountable.

I hear from business leaders, pastors and other organizational leaders all the time. When I speak to their organizations, there is (at times) an immediate excuse for the number of people in attendance. “You know, there are several people on vacation at the moment.”

Evil me wants to say, “Yeah right… Admit it... It's all slipping away and you don't know what to do about it!” But in that moment I realize it is my responsibility to act with the few in the same manner I would with the many, and then talk to that leader at a later time to get him to the point that he is comfortable where he is at; knowing he has done everything he can do. Knowing that he exemplifies a leader of excellence.

That’s what this clip is all about. I want you to watch it. I hope that after you do, you determine within yourself to stop making excuses for your failings. We all have them. Stop making excuses and get on with what God has empowered you to do. Remember my life slogan… It’s simple.

“Everything with Excellence”

These are the words that I try to live by. Today, so far, has been a good day…

http://www.nambcc.com/lesson/video/rocky.php

Driving a Team

Pulling a group of diverse individuals is hard enough. Driving them to overcome an obstacle is all the more difficult. However, it must be done. You need to tap the creative thinking that a team can provide. You leadership will be shown in steering the solution, implementing the correct approach, assigning the action items and rewarding the team members that make it happen.

Here are some tactics that may help you motivate and direct the team response.

1. Share as much information as possible. People do not work well in the dark.

2. Work with the willing. Even with an "A" team assembled, not everyone on the team will be the star player at any given time.

3. Provide the right amount of guidance. People who are more capable than you will still look to you for your leadership.

4. Work side by side when necessary. in the noise of confusion, your presence in the midst of doubt will do more to help clarify thoughts than anything else.

5. Stretch your people beyond their current talents and abilities. You will be amazed at how effectively they will work when they see growth in their own thinking and abilities.

6. Make it fun, actionable, and highly visible. Most of us grew up and enjoyed a puzzle or a challenge. Reframe the solution as a challenge that will be fun to discover. Bring a picture of my mouse to the meeting.

7. Let them feel the weight of the challenge. Fun is... well, fun. It can help us to motivate. However, at the end of the day, the task is serious. Let them see what rests on a favorable solution.

8. Reward them. When the wall has been scaled, get them together, and do something special. Recognize the one(s) who drove of the solution. Our drivers are our most important assets. Empower them for the next time around.

Silver Lining

Times are difficult. Churches are reducing staff and trying to figure out what to do to avoid collapse. Fear is building and pessimism is the flavor of the month. Still, when I look at the horizon I see great things. Then again, I have never been one to despair. Sure, I have had troubles. I have made bad decisions. Yet, the mistakes that have been most detrimental are not mistakes that I have overtly made. Without exception, all of my greatest mistakes occurred when I moved too slowly in a given situation. In other words, they were mistakes of inaction.

If one had the tools, one could capitalize on the times for future prosperity. If I had $200,000 burning a hole in my pocket, I tell you what I would do. I would put a down payment on ten new homes, buying them as rentals and sit on that investment until the market turned around, making the most of market opportunity. However, most of us do not have $200,000 burning a hole in our pockets. We do have skill sets however, and to sit idly by—in this market—and do nothing to invest in the church is a grave error. Why, because you have the tools and the market is right.

There is no question that the game has changed for your people. The attention that was so readily given to your church is now given to worries, opportunities for income, longer hours and just making ends meet. In a perfect world—you know as well as I—our people would not forget their first love for their troubles. The reality however, is that they do. I want to share with you three priorities for your church that I think need to be considered immediately so that you do not make the mistake of inaction; strategies for driving growth, priorities for managing talent, and ideas for improving relationships.

Our best churches will do far more than just survive this difficult time, they will flourish. Your people are hurting and questioning everything from their financial stability to their faith. The question is, will you respond in a way that increases their confidence, or drive them away by your inaction?

Strategies for driving growth:

Our best pastors will recognize the unique opportunity that the financial crisis affords. Many have served in fear of initiating change for worry of backlash. Now is the time! Our people—more than ever—may be ready for change. Our boards, committees, ministries, strategy groups, whatever one calls them these days, see the crisis and desire for something to be done about it. This is where you, pastor, can seek the face of God and find out how you can bring the change that He wants to your ministry. The fields are ripe for change. Be a catalyst. Spark new ideas as you convey what Father is placing in your heart. A bunker mentality may serve to get you through, but not to prosper. There are souls to be won and the need for effective change is an urgent one.

Priorities for managing talent:

Remember the days of soccer practice (fill in your sport). You would drop off your kids, catch up on some shopping or whatever small tasks you needed to do, and then pick the smelly kid up and take him home.

Two questions. Why didn’t you stay for the practice? And, what factor enabled you to leave? The first answer is “because you didn’t have to stay.” The second answer is “responsible adults were there to watch and train you kid.” Now, I want you to think of the one person who was not the coach, yet was always there. Who was she and why did she never miss a practice or a game? She was the Team Mom, and she was there because she was given the “responsibility” to be there. Bingo!

In this difficult time, you cannot afford to do it all yourself. Your people love you and will live to your expectations of them. “Ask and you shall receive.” There is great talent out there, ready to help your church prosper, but they are out “doing those little tasks.” I bet, if you empower them with kindness and reward their efforts with recognition, you will have a team mom that shows up to all practices, all games, and makes the team better by far. You can only truly manage a few tasks well. Empowering others and building leaders offers a replicable process that creates speed and flexibility in the church. If you do it well, you will get things done.

My final thoughts are ideas for improving relationships.

Define the crisis. Not the global crisis, not the church crisis, but the individual’s crisis. You are the pastor and your people need you. When was the last time you sat with your members, or (as stated above if you have a large church) empowered leaders to sit with your people, and respond to their crisis. Hear this! Your people will return to the fountain that provides water when they are thirsty. In the past, we would lose people to other churches. In a sense, while that was unfortunate, at least they were not leaving “church.” In these times we are losing people all-together. They are leaving the church because they are finding nothing there to help their crisis. I am not going to give you ideas on how to remedy that, that solution is as individual as your people, your geography and your church. But I will tell you one thing, if I was losing members because they are losing jobs, I would surely be irresponsible if I did not build relationships by having a job fair, or retraining ministry.

Yes it’s work. But hard work will prove for some to be the difference between a new future and closing the doors.

Overcoming Obstacles

Vince Lombardi is famous for saying: "Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal."

Take a look at the picture to the right. This little guy is one of my heroes. In fact, this picture sits on my desk to remind me of my need to be a problem solver. Most success is directly related to the leader's ability to solve problems. In the case of the mouse, his ability to take a bit of a hit as well. Make no mistake, as you lead, you will take the hits. Mitigating the severity is a key to great leadership.

Determination is another key. It sets the relevant leader apart. It's what makes the difference. At times the solution is found in the "grit." You just need to hunker down and get over the wall, plow the field, or do the task. However, if the obstacles involve people (which they usually do) the strategy changes. To overcome you will need to devise strategies to minimize the resistance. Effective strategies that minimize resistance will make the difference between making headway and bouncing back.

Higher Standards

One thing that is increasingly evident today is that there is no lack of moral failure in our society. We need only think of recent sports figures, politicians and others who have destroyed their lives because a pattern of decreasing moral standards was allowed to continue unabated. Surely, these same individuals knew what the consequences would be, didn’t they? Yet, still they continued until it all fell apart.

Wake Up Call

As spiritual men and women, ones who lead and drive spiritual organizations, we must be on guard against declining standards. Unless we consciously set higher and higher moral standards, we will continue to slip the other direction… In other words, there is no middle ground. Lack of progression equals decline.

The same goes for your organization. It has been said that the greatest hindrance to tomorrow’s success is today’s. We naturally tend to settle. We cannot allow this to happen. The dynamic organizational leader will reward the success of today, and set new goals for tomorrow.

“You don’t understand, that will burn out my people! After all, this is only a volunteer organization.”

Let me say this as gingerly as I can; “Stop your excuses.” The reality is that people want progression. They want to be a part. If you are losing them, they either fail to see value or they are not feeling rewarded or recognized for the incremental accomplishments.

A Word of Warning

Driving success means celebrating success. Many leaders set the vision high. Rightly so. However, many of them make a terrible error by setting the celebration for accomplishment at the same level. This is wrong. We need to see the vision as the distant place we want to arrive, but we need to reward and recognize the steps to get there.

Come with me to Paris. I was standing at the base of the Eiffel Tower, and told my family to “look up!” I said, “we’re going to climb the stairs to the top!” “What!?!” came the reply. It was drudgery, until I began to count out the steps in increments of fifty. “Fifty… One Hundred… One Fifty…” Soon everyone was calling them out; “Two Hundred!!!” What started as drudgery, became excitement as we celebrated each fiftieth step. “Two Fifty!” Before we knew it, we were at the top! Six hundred and seventy four steps!

Had we waited until we came to the top to celebrate, I would have had to listen to requests to take the elevator the entire way up! Perhaps one of my kids would have broken ranks and headed the other direction. Maybe mutiny at step number Three Ninety Nine. Or, having made it to the top, faced a family who--for their anger--failed to appreciate the spectacular view from the top.

Celebrate each and every landing on your organizational journey, and set the next highest standard when you arrive.

Lead the System

If you were driving on a dark country road, and you saw the sign, Bridge Out, What would you do? Would you continue on to your own peril, or would you change your direction? Many leaders are continuing in the same direction they always have... to their peril. They continue to work in the system, managing everything and everyone, and all the while the road is falling out beneath them. The signs (unlike the one to the right) were there a long time prior to the road's collapse, yet through seasons of delay and a general lack of ideas on how to change their reality, the leader--and the organization--fall.

So, How do you stop managing and start leading? If we could answer this question in one simple paragraph, the sky would open, the songs of a thousand birds would fill the sky and rose petals would fall upon our path. The reality is that the answer to that question is as unique as your specific gifts and talents, and your ability to leverage them to act and think differently. In other words, you need to begin the downplay of using your gifts and talents and start leading others in (not with) your gifts and talents. We may not have your answers, but we do have some starting points.

1. Provide Context
The first step is to be completely clear about what you or the organization requires. Framing the work within the broader context gives clarity to the recipient. They must be clear how the work contributes to the overall success of the organization.

2. Delegate Authority and Responsibility
Delegating responsibility to complete a task it relatively easy; "Get it done!" Delegating the authority to accomplish it can be another story. It requires confidence and trust in the individual. It also requires you to let go! Without the ability to make a decision that you will support, people will never be (or feel) empowered to complete the tasks that they are given. They will move forward in fear. Jethro advised Moses to relinquish his authority and impart it to others (Exodus 18:13-26).

3. Support don't Abdicate
Leading the system is just that, leading. It does not mean that you delegate and forget. Especially in the early stages of a project. People need your support and encouragement. They may need your skills. They may need you to push them when they feel they cannot and you know they can. If you abdicate your authority you will leave your people feeling alone and discouraged.

4. Only Delegate When Appropriate
Make sure that those to whom you delegate have the necessary skill to carry out the task. If not, they will be frustrated, you will be frustrated, and the work will not be completed.

5. Look at Team and Sub-team Structure.
Map it out. Keep all parts of the team communicating with each other. Check for consistency, effectiveness and overlap. Make sure that all areas of overlap have clear owners in terms of responsibility. The ultimate goal is a streamlined team, not a one-on-one manager to direct report relationship.

About Inspiring Others...

You do not need to look hard to see the gifts that God has given other people, especially your direct reports. Unfortunately, with the stress of productivity, we fail to look deep enough to see and appreciate them.

A word from you—affirming their gift—will do more to motivate them to pursue it than perhaps any other encouragement. Be observant, and when you see it, capitalize on it.

“Hey Jonathan! I was watching you the other day, and I need to say… you have a unique ability for organization.”

Leave it at that. Don't follow with asking them to organize anything. Remember, it is about building up the individual, not manipulating them so that they will work for you. The first bears fruit, the second is evil.

If you are not first-and-foremost about building people, you will find yourself far less the leader than you otherwise would be. Through encouragement, give ‘em a glimpse of heaven in your leadership…

Lead Leaders

Stop Leading Followers and Lead Leaders

Picking the right people is a tricky proposition. Many of us have handed the sceptre to another only to find it is a "beat stick" in their hands. Bringing harmony to a team that has been destroyed by a less-than-capable leader whom you appointed is far more difficult than getting the choice right in the first place.

Even the ancients understood this. This interesting quote comes from Onasander, a Greek philosopher from the first century A.D., and shows that even 2000 years ago men wrestled with these very issues.

“Most men are distressed when placed under the command of ignoble individuals. For no one voluntarily puts up with submitting to a master or a leader who is inferior to himself.” (Onasander, The General 1.17)

Many leaders, given such an experience, will digress back to leading followers instead of seeking a new capable leader to assist in leading the organization. Stop! You need people you trust to help you carry the load of transformational change. You can be a mentor. Taking time and investing in another has huge benefits for the future. The time invested in another capable leader will multiply your abilities to lead.

About Mentoring...

If mentoring sounds like a great idea, you still have to decide whether it's right for you. The questions below should serve as a wakeup call as to your ability to lead other leaders as opposed to followers.

1. Do you get excited at the idea of sharing the knowledge and experience God has given you, or do you feel that you are incapable of imparting anything of value to another?

2. Do you enjoy encouraging and motivating people toward a goal and rejoice with them when it is accomplished, or do you make every effort to take the glory?

3. Are you comfortable challenging people to be better even if you know it may cause them discomfort, or would you rather accept sub-standard work and internalize your discontent?

4. Do you want to contribute to other people's growth and success, or do you see it as a threat to your value in the organization?

5. Can you faithfully invest your time in mentoring your leaders, or are you so absorbed in meaningless tasks that you cannot give anything to anyone without feeling like you are falling behind?

6. Do you feel that building a leader is the most important focus of your efforts, or do you feel the daily tasks you accomplish are greater organizational contributions?

7. Can you visualize the future leader that you would like to mentor? Can you describe their qualities and their talents, or are you one that grows frustrated because you grab any warm body that seems willing?

I hope that these questions, coupled with the understanding of the importance of building leaders, helps you make the next possitive step toward transformational change in your organization's culture. Perhaps they will serve as a mirror that reflects the deficiency of your leadership. Regardless of whether this motivates, or infuriates, you are faced with your introspection and that's a good thing. Knowledge truly is power.